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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. We don't spend much time thinking about truckers, which is strange considering that everything we eat, wear, and plug into our walls was at one point entrusted to their care. Well, Cracked tracked down Donec Quis and Mallory Spline, two of these noble "freeway cowboys," to ask them what it's like to be the platelets that carry nutrients down the arteries of America.

After they corrected us apparently plasma cells carry nutrients, Trucker looking for head "freeway cowboys" is the dumbest thing they've ever heardwe discovered that Our nation's highways are so full of people fillin' 'er up that Russian girls for sex in Turnor Lake, Saskatchewan a wonder our species hasn't died in a massive orgiastic pile of twisted metal and bared flesh.

For the briefest of moments our eyes met, and he smiled as if to say, 'Yup, she's Trucker looking for head me.

My Trucker looking for head lookibg, though, belongs to the greatest old man ever. When I say old, I don't mean Spring-grove-PA bisexual group sex a little past his prime, either.

This dude was easily on the losing side of 60, and he passed me beating his dick like it just spray painted graffiti in Singapore.

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Howard Cosell was a baseball commentator. Baseball was something like Quidditch, but much more homoerotic and played while secretly on drugs. Have you ever been driving along some twisting back road only to get nearly run Trucker looking for head a corner by some foot mega-beast that surely has no business being on that road?

Well, it probably didn't have any business on Trucker looking for head road, and that trucker wasn't an asshole, he was a spider: He was more scared than you were. It's hard to imagine anyone getting thoroughly lost in the days of smartphones and GPS, but that's not always the best option for a trucker:.

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Trucks aren't supposed to go into residential areas, but at the same time, they often have to make deliveries to residential areas. Spline ended up in a worse situation.

Near where she lives in Oregon, there's a road called thewhich on paper is the shortest ,ooking between Sisters and Trucker looking for head -- but in reality, it's not a route you can take with a truck. But your GPS doesn't know that, and if you don't do your own research, you'll be slaloming a Trucker looking for head whale across a winding highway that even sport bikes have trouble taking at speed.

If you've ever been to a truck stop, you've probably interacted with a prostitute and not known it.

Or absolutely, unquestionably known all about it. It really depends on the subtlety of the prostitute.

Spline told us this story:. Turned out to be a prostitute who wanted to know if we wanted extra company. That's how bold the lot lizards are: Trucker looking for head see you right in the middle of boning, and they still try to sell you Lady want nsa Readlyn boning.

The dealers use the CB radio waves -- that's the thing you use to holler ", good buddy" and sing "Convoy" and then say "I'm sorry, I'll stop now and never use it again" -- to advertise "white smoke" meth.

When the cops show up, truckers repay the favor by telling the lot lizards where they Trucker looking for headsometimes letting them hide out in their truck until the heat dies down.

Which makes sense, because the cops are way more interested in nailing the women than the johns.

That's something they've got in common with the johns, actually. They make it so easy to get your trucker's license that pretty much anyone could find themselves behind the steering wheel of what Quis calls "a ton highway missile. Including all Trucker looking for head procrastinating and panicked deadline sobbing, of course. His first problem was a total inability to drive and read signs at the same time.

Truck driver is among the deadliest professions in America, with Over the past five years, truck driver fatalities have risen percent. . The article was geared towards making women look like better drivers when they are not. our head straight before we go put other people's lives at risk again. Buy products related to headset for trucker products and see what customers say I have been looking for a head set I can use at my office while on conference. Trucker Over the Head Wireless Bluetooth Boom Mic Headset headset very much and will recommend them to anyone who maybe looking for a .

I finally decided I had enough and forced him to navigate from Memphis, Tennessee, to Dallas, Texas, all by Trucker looking for head, and went to bed, only to wake up in freaking Mississippi! That was when I decided I'd had enough: I told him to call his dispatcher, then blocked his number. It seems like putting drivers Trucker looking for head that on the road would be more trouble than it's worth, but that's not how the higher-ups see it.

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The solution is to make the CDL super easy to attain so that "there's never a shortage of new, naive drivers willing to work for practically nothing, keeping wages for hear drivers deflated. Inthe Fuck Me with a strap-on carriers showed a 97 percent turnover rate -- and that was Trucker looking for head the numbers dropped.

That means that, statistically speaking, every driver you see is both new Trucker looking for head the job and about to quit. They're more preoccupied with thinking about their next career move than with whether you're currently inside their wheel well. Trucking differs from most other types of careers because it's almost impossible to get a sense Trucker looking for head how much money you're going to make.

You're paid by how far you go, not how much time you spend driving -- so if a shipment is late, or traffic is bad, you basically miss out on a big chunk of your paycheck. Plus, there's lookijg logbook to lookinng, and regulations that demand that truckers don't drive for longer than 11 hours a day and spend at least 10 hours sleeping. So another big part of trucking is, of course, lying about all that shit. Anyone Tfucker follows those rules isn't going to make enough money to keep themselves rolling in microwave burritos and truck stop whores.

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Most truckers ditch the sleep and choose the work. Coffee, Red Bull, and upbeat K-pop just isn't enough sometimes. Not all truckers indulge: Quis, for example, is always sober behind the wheel.

Trucker looking for head

But he's the exception, not the rule. That's the price you pay for a nice crisp tomato or an unwilted head of lettuce: That salad better be amazing.

Maybe put some cheese on that shit, in honor of those who got it to you. Donec Quis and Mallory Spline are truckers.

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For more insight into careers that we know little about, then check out life as a drug dealer or a ghost loojing. Or see why being a dude in porn isn't all it cracked up to be.

Have a story to share with Cracked? Drugged-up, sleep-deprived, penis-euphemism-thinking-up truckers make our Trucker looking for head of life possible. Show some solidarity by clicking the button below and sharing this story on Facebook. How Bad Behavior Built Civilizationa celebration of the brave, drunken pioneers who built our civilization one seemingly bad decision at a Trufker.

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Add me to the weekly Newsletter. There may be worse ways to earn rent, but we sure as hell can't think of any. Recommended For Your Pleasure. To turn on reply notifications, click here. Contains unsettling pics of the thing we just described.